A Guide to Caring for Aging Parents

Determining your parents’ financial status can be confusing and challenging as there may be many things to review (social security, reverse mortgages, investments).  It may be helpful to use a professional senior living planner and/or a financial planner to sort it all out. 

Think About Health Insurance Options 

Elders 65 years or older qualify for Medicare. Medicare recipients are responsible for sharing the costs of benefits and may also have co-payments, deductibles, premiums, and co-insurance. However, Medicare cost is dependent on the individual’s financial resources.  

Medicare coverage is divided into Part A and B. Part A, or hospital insurance, covers some or all of inpatient hospital care. It includes skilled nursing, hospice care, and nursing facilities. Part B includes standard healthcare and covers medical equipment, doctor's visits, outpatient care, home health care, and certain preventive services.  

In addition to Medicare basic coverage, people can also opt for Medicare Advantage, also known as Medicare Part C.  Sometimes Medicare C is coupled with part D.   Medicare Part C is an alternative way to receive your Medicare benefits through private insurance companies, often offering extra benefits like vision, dental, and hearing care. Part D helps you pay for some prescription drugs.    

 Discuss your coverage options with a Medicare representative.   

Determine the Best Living Arrangements 

After determining your parents’ needs and financial status, you will need to determine the best living arrangement.   Home environment – including the community, available resources and living structure – greatly impact mental and physical health.  

Below is a breakdown of the possible living arrangements, who they are appropriate for, and what they offer: 

Make Yourself Power of Attorney and choose a Health Care Proxy 

Decisions regarding health care proxy (HCP) and power of attorney (POA) should be addressed early with your loved one.  Prior to a decline in cognitive functioning (should it occur), it is essential that your parents' wishes are determined. Should your parent become ill or unable to make decisions for themselves, they will need a proxy decision maker. The power of attorney makes financial decisions and can manage affairs. The health care proxy makes determinations about health care interventions and advance care directives (based on the parents' wishes, spelled out in the living will).    

If you don’t have a durable POA or an HCP and your parent becomes ill, you will not have the authority to make medical decisions or pay for any medical bill on their behalf. 

In the case that more than one child or individual would like to be part of the decision-making process, they can each obtain power of attorney.  Multiple people can be named healthcare proxy agents as well. Make sure that you have the proper paperwork filled out for each determination. 

Remember Living Wills and Estate Planning 

The Living Will is the legal document that specifies which medical interventions would be desired at the end of life. Often a sensitive topic, end of life decisions are extremely important to determine before your loved one is ill or close to the end of life. The Living Will is a tool utilized by health care professionals if your loved one is no longer able to voice their desires. It may include resuscitation orders like: Do not resuscitate, do not intubate, or Do not Hospitalize. 

Things You Need to Do for Yourself 

Make sure to take care of yourself while you are providing care to your parent. While keeping your parents happy, take some time for your own hobbies and interest.   

Consider the following in trying to strike a balance of caregiver with your regular life: 

Set Boundaries 

It’s true that setting boundaries between you and your parents can be challenging and may seem impossible. However, you need to learn how to implement boundaries early. Without these, you are at great risk for caregiver burnout, a very real side effect of caregiving.    

Emotional boundaries are vital in maintaining a healthy caregiver relationship. Setting expectations for your parent maintains mutual respect and fosters a successful closeness.  

It can be difficult to maintain a career and family life as a caregiver, but setting clear limits with your parents can help.     

Sit down and take your time to write some non-negotiable boundaries that you need to set no matter what happens. Do remember, you have the ability to set new boundaries whenever you need. When you feel that your priorities are being ignored, address the issue to avoid future infringements.   

Consider Shared Responsibility 

Sharing the responsibility of caring for a parent is a great idea if it is possible. To avoid caregiver burnout, and to share comradery, having a second or third caregiver to distribute tasks can be extremely helpful. When determining who will be part of the caregiving team, consider who is willing, accessible, skilled, and emotionally prepared to participate in this role. Then determine how the tasks can be delegated.  

Understand and Respect Family Opinions 

The role reversal of becoming a caregiver to your parent can feel awkward and uncomfortable for some. 

It is important to allow family members to have opinions, give them space to feel their emotions, and process the situation in their own way. Determine who the decision makers are, listen to their opinions, and make decisions together if possible. 

Bottom Line 

Providing care for your aging parent may include everything from providing incontinence care to determining the best living environment.  It can feel overwhelming. Use resources to make the best decision possible, include siblings or other family members with your parent’s best interest in mind, and don’t neglect your own self-care.   

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