It’s a vicious cycle. “Why did I sleep all day?,” my MIL asks me on Saturday. The doctor even said, “Because you’re 92 and you need to stimulate yourself.” But that’s exactly what she refuses to do. I gave her a book, Eat Pray Love. … Read Full Post

Well, it’s been a few weeks since I gave my MIL a copy of the book, Brainpower Game Plan. I even bought her a timer to make it easier when she and her home aide did the exercises. She started out strong and enthusiastic, working … Read Full Post

Much has been written lately about the importance of keeping the elderly mentally active. Not only is it supposed to delay the onset of dementia, but it also has physical benefits as well. Two days ago I gave my MIL a book of brain teasers … Read Full Post

We went out to dinner Saturday night for a more formal celebration of my MIL’s birthday. We chose one of her favorite restaurants where, as the theme song to “Cheers” goes, everybody knows her name. It makes the experience that much more special for her … Read Full Post

Yesterday was my MIL's 92nd birthday. That is a milestone many people will never make (my own parents included). Thinking back when I met her 37 years ago, she was younger than I am now. I was only 21 at the time, so of course … Read Full Post

Two weeks ago on Friday, after I left for work, the agency for my MIL’s home health aide called her to tell her the aide called in sick. They offered to send a sub, but my MIL decided against it. The problem is she looks … Read Full Post

For some reason, ever since my M.I.L. came back from a 3-week respite stay at a local assisted living facility in early July, she has not given my husband and me the opportunity to watch a movie or TV program alone in our family room. … Read Full Post

The weather in northern New Jersey has been awful! Heat and oppressive humidity day after day.  Air conditioning is a must. Except for her weekly trip to the beauty salon and lunch afterwards, my M.I.L. has stayed indoors, which is a wise thing to do, … Read Full Post

My husband recently transferred my M.I.L.’s prescriptions to a large chain store lured by the much lower prices than she had been paying at the large drug chain she was using. Even though the new store is a 10 minute car ride versus a 10 … Read Full Post

Yesterday my M.I.L. informed me she had just heard that a long time acquaintance of hers recently made the decision to give up living alone and move into an assisted living facility. She said, “I heard that she has no idea of how much it’s … Read Full Post

It’s been 3 weeks since my M.I.L.’s respite stay ended and her original home health aide resumed working after medical leave, and things are going very smoothly! My M.I.L. hasn’t complained about the aide once! No “do you know what she did today?”  No mention … Read Full Post

Just yesterday I was speaking with a friend about a recent study that stated reading was a beneficial brain exercise for seniors as a means to delay the onset or effects of dementia. I told her how my M.I.L. used to read book after book, … Read Full Post

I’m not sure if it’s the mid-summer blues or what, but motivating my M.I.L. to do even the smallest task is a fruitless exercise on my part. After her aide goes home in the afternoon, there is a window of a few hours when she … Read Full Post

The whole world is aware that Walter Cronkite passed away recently. My M.I.L. watches a fair amount of TV and I know she saw many of the tributes and retrospectives on his life. As I watched her rapt attention to the programs I wondered if … Read Full Post

My M.I.L. has been home for 10 days from her 3 week respite stay at assisted living and she is back to her old habits: sleeping all day, not eating properly, not going outside, generally lethargic. It is amazing to see the difference in her … Read Full Post

A few months back, my M.I.L.’s long-time home health aide went out on medical leave. We did not know how long it would last or if she would even be able to return. What ensued was the agency sending 2 or 3 different aides every … Read Full Post

Vacation time is over and my M.I.L. is back from her 3 week stay at a wonderful local assisted living home.  To hear her tell it, Peyton Place has nothing on her housemates! There’s the eligible bachelor who all the ladies want to dance and … Read Full Post

This has been a very busy week for my husband and me. He’s away on a business conference and I’ve been busy in the evenings. Last night I attended an awards dinner in New York. I prepped my M.I.L. the day before alerting her that … Read Full Post

I’m having trouble motivating my M.I.L. to do anything for herself. She will sit in our family room and ask “What time is it?” when all she needs to do is lift her eyes out of the newspaper and look at the large digital clock … Read Full Post

Sometimes it’s difficult being the “in-law” in the house. When discontent arises between my M.I.L. and my husband (her only child), I used to find myself being sucked into running interference between them by my M.I.L. The result was extra stress and work for me. … Read Full Post

It’s time again for the bi-annual “Temperature Wars.” This is a time-honored tradition in our home that talks place every Spring and Fall. It’s anticipated by my husband and me with all the excitement of an impacted wisdom tooth and there is never a victor. … Read Full Post

By now you know about my M.I.L.’s  formidable culinary skills. Well, I’ve got a new hors d'oeuvre for you.  Last week our 20+ year old microwave/convection oven gave up the ghost.  It certainly didn’t owe us anything!  We replaced it with a similar machine and … Read Full Post

Memorial Day weekend has become fun again since our daughter’s boyfriend bought a shore home last year. It’s a great getaway, not too far away, and whenever we’re invited for a cookout, we love to go. On Sunday we made the 2 hour trip to … Read Full Post

Yesterday was a beautiful weather day! As I was getting ready for work, the weather report sounded like it would be perfect—a cloudless sky and 70 degrees. When I stuck my head in my M.I.L.’s room for my daily pre-work check, she was already up. … Read Full Post

Every so often, I feel vindicated when I see proof that other caregivers have some of the same experiences I do, try to resolve them as I do and often get the same results I do. A few weeks ago I wrote about how my … Read Full Post

It looks like the weather in New Jersey might finally be warming a bit. It’s been a chilly, wet spring and everyone is looking forward to sunshine and higher temperatures. My M.I.L. enjoys sitting outside on the back patio…when the mood strikes her. I encourage … Read Full Post

My M.I.L. hasn’t been able to find her wedding ring for the past 3 weeks. She usually only wears it when she goes out, which is weekly to the hairdresser and on the weekend if she is accompanying her son and me somewhere. She always … Read Full Post

After the dismissal of my M.I.L’s aide we’re back to a stream of different people coming at different hours every day until the agency can get a permanent replacement. It’s hard on my M.I.L., but she’s been a trooper so far. It’s only day 3, … Read Full Post

Do you know the sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you see a story on the news about a small child left in the care of someone less than conscientious or trustworthy? Well, whether your dependent is 1 or 91, … Read Full Post

My M.I.L. is always cleaning out her closet. In her mind, that is. She gets the cleaning bug every spring and vows that she will have her home aid help her sort through the dozens of items of clothing she hasn’t worn in 10+ years … Read Full Post

Mother’s Day was very special this year. Our twenty-something daughter invited us to her place for dinner! I can still remember my first Mother’s Day. It was so special, as has been every one after that as well. When our daughter passed around the appetizers … Read Full Post

Ours is a blended household. My husband and I come from different religious backgrounds, which makes for interesting holidays—Chrismukkah and Eastover to name a few. But I have to say, we have some wonderful traditions from both cultures as well as hybrids of our own. … Read Full Post

Has this ever happened to you? You walk through your front door after a long day at the office, just looking forward to some quiet time. No phone calls, no TV, just the sweet sound of silence! That’s me, Monday through Friday. My mother-in-law of … Read Full Post

Recently my M.I.L. has been telling us that she “never wants to go into a nursing home.” I’m pretty sure most people feel that way. But what if she experiences a health crisis and we cannot provide the level of care she requires in our … Read Full Post

The sudden onset of very hot weather in New Jersey was cause for concern. Not because I’m sorry to see the winter end, heck no! I love the heat—bring it on! It’s because I know my M.I.L. doesn’t drink enough water during the course of … Read Full Post

I did the grocery shopping for my M.I.L. over the weekend. Her home aid usually does it, but last week she couldn’t fit it in. I am a careful shopper. I am one of those annoying people who check the price per ounce and calculate … Read Full Post

My M.I.L. is becoming increasingly hard of hearing, and at 91, it’s not so surprising. How can I tell? Well, her TV is so loud that if we’re watching the same program and I’m on the second floor, I can mute the sound on my … Read Full Post

With the sudden change of weather this past weekend the bi-annual “Temperature War” has officially begun in our house. My husband and I love to open the windows when we get home from work in the evening and let the fresh air in after a … Read Full Post

This past weekend the weather in New Jersey where I live fast forwarded past spring right into the dog days of summer! On Saturday, I had my usual errands to run, but my afternoon was free. On Friday night I suggested to my M.I.L. that … Read Full Post

If you care for an elderly loved one I’ll bet you suffer from some sort of reverse separation anxiety—almost the diametric opposite of what you experienced with your small children. I recall leaving my daughter at the day care center she had been going to … Read Full Post

My husband and I are big NHL fans. On most nights from October to June you’ll catch us watching a hockey game on TV, if we’re not actually in attendance at the arena. Over the years there have been many times that my M.I.L. has … Read Full Post

Living with an older person for 15 years has changed my perception of what it means to grow old. My own parents were in their 70s when they passed away, certainly not old by today’s standards when “50 is the new 30.” I’ve noticed that … Read Full Post

I can usually tell when my M.I.L. isn’t feeling up to par. It’s especially easy to tell if she’s coughing every 3 minutes. Invariably I ask if she’d like to see the doctor. I can be home from work in time to take her to … Read Full Post

When we first began employing a home health aid for my M.I.L., it was odd to have a non-family member cooking in our kitchen, using the washing machine and taking in our mail, among other things. My husband and I knew it was the right … Read Full Post

After my M.I.L. was released from the hospital following her near diabetic coma, I wasn’t comfortable knowing she was alone for periods of time during the day while I was at work. I was even more anxious whenever my husband and I were at a … Read Full Post

Guilt is usually on the menu when it comes to mealtime and my M.I.L. She was never much of a cook—not because she didn’t have the ability, but because she didn’t have the desire. Why cook when there is always someone else who can do … Read Full Post

If you’re a Baby Boomer like me, “Walk this way” is not just the punchline of a corny old joke. It’s Steven Tyler of Aerosmith screaming out the lyrics to a hit song. But to get to my point, my M.I.L has used a walker … Read Full Post

On occasion, my husband and I get invited to spend a weekend at the shore. His first response is always, “Sure, we can go.” Mine is always, “Who will take care of your mother?” To get away for 2 days requires 2 weeks of planning, … Read Full Post

Talk about resistance! When I told my M.I.L. that I no longer felt it was safe for her to do her laundry in our basement you would think I was cutting off her access to Richard Gere movies (she thinks he’s “gorgeous”). She had been … Read Full Post

A while ago, I decided to purchase an electric teapot. I am a tea drinker and the fact that the electric pot boils much faster than a stove kettle appealed to me. My M.I.L. also drinks tea, so when I set the new pot on … Read Full Post

While in her younger years my M.I.L. would never have been mistaken for Julia Child in the kitchen, at 91 her skills have taken on a disturbing twist. Putting metal in the microwave and plastic in the gas oven, and leaving the burner on after … Read Full Post

About 15 years ago, shortly after my in-laws moved in with me, my husband and our then teenage daughter, my mother gave me a copy of the “Caregivers Bill of Rights” by Jo Horne, that someone had given to her when my father became ill … Read Full Post

I don’t know about you, but my halo slips more than I care to admit. I find that my patience runs thin more than it used to and it’s usually related to something my M.I.L. has said, done or asked to be done for her. … Read Full Post

Losing my job after 11 years was a blow to my self-esteem. Little did I know that the months I was out of work would turn out to be a life-changing journey. The stress I was under during the 11 to 13 hours a day … Read Full Post

Last year, I lost a job after 11 years of service. I was not used to being at home for more than a few days at a time. During the two and a half months I was unemployed I was able to observe the daily … Read Full Post

After we got the diabetes diagnosis, we were completely in the dark as to what she should eat and when she should eat it. My husband hurried out to the local bookstore and brought home 3 books that would help answer our nutritional questions. My … Read Full Post

My unexpected initiation into the world of caregiving began 5 years ago. My mother-in-law was 86 and in good health, or so we thought. Every Friday a neighbor takes her to the hair salon, and without fail my M.I.L. would be ready and waiting for … Read Full Post

Today’s mission: buy a newspaper. Let me explain. Ever since my in-laws moved in with us from a town 20 minutes away, it became a mission for Shirley to continue getting what had been their local newspaper. My father-in-law was retired and could devote time … Read Full Post

What made today’s call so tough is that I just started a new job, and I was ready to step out the door to make the 30 minute drive to work, early even! The phone rang and my day changed in an instant. For the … Read Full Post

When I was a young, working mother, I used to live in fear of getting a call from the day care nurse that my child was sick and had to be picked up and brought home. I’d dread having to explain to my manager that … Read Full Post

Why does my 91-year-old MIL feel it necessary to carry a handbag whenever she sets foot outside of the house? Is it a fashion statement, a place to stash the bread from the basket at the diner that went unclaimed or just to know she … Read Full Post

I go the gym every Saturday morning. It’s important to exercise my body because it clears my mind and reduces stress. After 2 hours of working out, the endorphins have kicked in and I’m feeling optimistic that I can take on the world. When I … Read Full Post

My husband and I went out Friday night for some “alone time” and it’s not bad enough that I feel guilty leaving her alone for a few hours (which she is capable of handling), but when I called to check on her she didn’t answer … Read Full Post

My husband’s parents moved in with us 15 years ago. His dad and mom were inseparable. Shirley didn’t drive, so George was her driver and the only way to get where she wanted to go when she wanted to go. When he passed away 12 … Read Full Post